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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Best Man

So I'm off to Maine today for my friend's wedding. I'll be away for awhile so please don't take this as an invitation to rob my apartment. I don't have much anyway!

I'm the best man this weekend which makes me a little nervous. I'm dreading "the speech." I'm less than 3 days away from the big day and I have no clue what I'm going to say. I've known for months this day was coming yet here I sit . . . unprepared. I'm clueless. I've only met the bride to be twice. And to make matters worse, no one at this wedding plays poker! I probably won't play poker for a week which is probably good because I've been getting smoked at the online tables. I'm officially on a week long session of tiltdom! I need the break but I still don't know what I'm going to say at this wedding. Maybe a couple of fart jokes and sex jokes will do the job? Did I mention that the grooms parents live next to Bill and Hilary Clinton in Chappaqua, NY? Maybe penis jokes aren't a good idea.

Either way, I must remember to jump the video guy after the wedding so no one sees the footage of me wasted trying to talk to a bunch of rich people at the reception. Oh and I will be wasted before the ceremony starts. That you can bet on! After I'm done, they'll be calling me the worst man! Oh boy, I feel a drunk, bloated and sweaty weekend coming on. Look out!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

NYC Card Rooms, No Rake, the Rooster and Razz

Bob and I didn't quite make it to Atlantic City this past weekend. We originally had plans to go to AC and meet up with a bunch of bloggers there. We had some time constraints because Bob had to work on Saturday so we decided to stay in New York City. Plus, BigMike's mom died so it seemed like it was best to stay in NYC and go to the card room in Chinatown again.

I got up late on Saturday and hit the online poker tables right away. I had a bad session on Friday and was looking to recoup some of those loses. Thankfully I made most of it back! As soon as Bob was done working, he called and we made plans to meet up with F Train and his friend SoxLover in front of Macy's on 34th Street.

I was running late as usual. I spoke to Joaquin prior to jumping on the subway. I told him of our plans and he agreed to meet us at the card room later in the night. Ferrari was also planning on meeting us at the card room. On my way to the subway, some middle aged toothless woman who hadn't bathed in days hit me up for some change or a "smoke." I gave her a cigarette and took off down the street. She called out and asked where I was going. I replied, "Nowhere with you toots!" I'm not vain but I do require that my women have teeth so I blew her off. My kidneys and my bankroll were very happy with my decision.

I made my way to subway platform. Some guy was passed out, drooling on himself with a loaf of bread between his legs. There was no jam or jelly in sight. Thank goodness. Now, if this guy had a few bucks or some oxycotin in his pocket, I could've introduced him to a nice toothless woman. Timing is everything!

As soon as the subway made its way from the Bronx to Harlem, the smells changed from the fresh scent of powerful cleaning agents to garbage to urine to the foul stench of someone who hasn't showered in months (think Phish show). lol. I knew I was in for a seedy and sketchy evening. Either way, I was ready to gamble!

I arrived at Macy's and met up with Bob, F Train and SoxLover. The streets were crowded as hell and I was wasted and hungry. We decided to grab some grub first. We headed down to Little Italy to grab some food. The streets were crowded with tons of tourists. Cars could barely nagivate through the streets. On our way to track down the perfect eatery, we saw a Camaro driving through the crowd on Mulberry Street. The license plates read, "All N." lol.

We picked a restaurant and sat outside. The weather was much better this weekend than last. It was breezy and I liked it! We drank some wine and chowed down on some good food before heading to the nearby card room in Chinatown. Chinatown is a crazy place to be. The smell down there is also quite lovely especially after years of selling seafood, fireworks, assorted "other" meats and not being able to contain stumbling drunks from pissing on the streets. See, OTB isn't the only place that has it's problems!

I was surrounded by criminals, tourists, bloggers, Tony Soprano wannabees, and a bunch of old Chinese ladies sitting on a stoop, yet our waiter Roberto was the sketchiest person around. He had that Scientology look. Know what I mean? lol. After our meal, Roberto almost tackled us while we were walking down the street. He was yelling something about us signing the wrong receipts. I thought SoxLover was going to punch him!

We headed towards the card room in Chinatown. Bob and I went there last week and we were treated very warmly because we were friends with the newest internet celebrity, F Train. The owners and dealers were excited because F Train wrote a review of their card room. Last week, they gave Bob and I some ID's. We are official members!!

F Train was joking about the bouncer before we even got there. He wasn't there last week when Bob and I went. Supposedly, he was a large, bald Russian giant named Boris or Nikolai. We rang the door bell and smiled for the cameras. Nikolai opened the door and said, "What! Can I help you?" We flashed our ID's and he reluctantly let us in. Boris was huge. He looked like a WWF wrestler all BALCO'd up.

Later on in the night, he would calmly tell Ferrari to sit in a proper manner. The card room got real quiet after he spoke. You could hear a dime drop. Everyone was wondering if Nikolai was going to snap and kill Ferrari. Thankfully, the dealer cracked a joke and everything went back to normal.

As we looked around the card room, SoxLover mentioned that some guy named Alfonse was sitting at the 1/2 NL table. He supposedly played on the cable show that Party Poker hosted called "NY vs Boston." I've never seen it, so I had no clue who he was. He looked like some old FISH to me. We were in Chinatown, right?

We asked the owners if they could spread a mixed game table for us and they did. They even agreed to not take a rake. They didn't take a rake for a few hours too. Very cool. We started to wonder when Joaquin would show up. Then, one of the cocktail waitresses walked by and told us that Joaquin was upstairs watching TV. lol.

We got Joaquin and started our game. One of the owners decided to play with us. Someone asked if we could play Razz (3/6). They agreed. The owners immediately got on the phone to tell Teddy KGB that hell had frozen over . . . . . the club was spreading a Razz game! As Joaquin said to me, "We popped their cherry and christened the joint." Some buzz began to go around the club that some fools errr bloggers wanted to play some Razz. We welcomed the snickers and chuckles from the peanut gallery. Time to gamboool!!!

Ferrari showed up a few hands in and was laughing when he heard we were playing Razz. I like Razz and I know F Train does too so I was hoping to win some money here but unfortunately I didn't. Brick after brick! Oh well. Joaquin aka "the Rooster," didn't back down from anyone in Razz. He took down a few big pots and we were off! In one hand, Joaquin came out firing with a K high showing! Ferrari was pretty much heads up with Joaquin most of the way. After a few betting rounds, Joaquin had a K and a T showing. Ferrari had a J high showing. I was kidding Joaquin the whole way about his A2 down. The betting was ferocious. Raises and reraises all the way down. When it was all over, Ferrari flipped over 6543A. Most of it was showing too. The board looked horrible for the Rooster but Joaquin turned over 6542A and he rivered the 2!! lol. This was just the beginning for Ferrari. He was smoked on the river all night long. Countless times, he had the best hand and lost.

As soon as I called Omaha 8, another one of the owners jumped in to play. How funny is that!! They loved our game selection plus they weren't even taking a rake. This place was pretty cool. They'll get you anything you want too. They even leave the club and get food for you. You can't beat that.

We also made our rounds through 3/6 Stud and 4/8 Limit Hold'em. Soon enough, the other tables started to break up so we agreed to play 1/2 NL to accomodate some of the players joining our table. F Train and SoxLover did really well and cleaned up. Some kid at one of the other tables had a stack over $1500 in red chips. Supposedly, he took most of it from that guy Alfonse. lol. Too bad they both left before we got a chance to take their chips. That would have been fun!!!

I lost a big pot to SoxLover. It was three way and I had KT. With the board, I had K's and 9's. So did one of the club regulars. He reminded me of the Comic book guy from the Simpsons. He had a fanny pack on too. I suspected I was in trouble. I thought I was outkicked. SoxLover didn't raise preflop so I didn't put him on a high pocket pair let alone quads. As soon as the betting was over, he asked if quad 9's were good. lol. Me and Comic book guy mucked. Damn!!

I cashed out for the night even. I did best in Omaha and NL. I got AK 6 times in NL and won every time. Unbelieveable, right? I can't remember the last time it held up for me that many times without losing. Stud and Razz kicked my ass. SoxLover cleaned up Saturday night and Ferrari kept getting rivered. Ferrari wanted us to stop dealing the cards after the turn. lol.

I had a blast playing with everyone. The NYC blogger card room visit could be a new outlet for deviant behavior and bad gambling hijinks. Hopefully, Bob had a great time. He got to piss in a stairwell and he has a new picture ID card to one of the swankiest and cleanest card rooms in NYC (the only sketchy thing is the 2nd door in the bathroom . . . was Boris' cousin behind it with a shotgun?).

After the tables closed down for the night, we all headed home. No one lost big which was good. A few of us won big. Nikolai didn't strangle anyone. He played backgammon all night and helped one of the owners 4 table it on Empire. lol.

On my way home, I decided to take a cab back to the Bronx instead of roughing it with the subways rats. When I get into cabs, I have a habit of looking at the cabbies license to see his/her name. I was expecting an Arab or an Indian guy but the cabbies' name was Ivan! lol. Ivan, my Russian cab driver asked, "Where to, my friend? I'll take you wherever you want so long as you have the money to pay. I took some coked up whore to Queens earlier and she had no money. Fuck that shit, bro. You pay, I play!"

I told him that I have enough cash to get me back home so we took off. I had to piss really bad and Ivan was yapping the entire way down the Major Deegan Expressway. By the time we got to Yankee Stadium, I wanted to get out and hitch my way home. At some point, I blurted out that my doctor told me that I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my fingers outta there. DEAD silence. Thank you! We arrived at my place and I paid the man. He thanked me and asked if I knew where he could find a nice lady friend at this hour. I told him that I might have an idea. I pointed to the bar across the street where I saw the toothless woman earlier in the evening. He parked his car and went in. I took off laughing down the street wondering if snaggle tooth was still around.

I had to piss really bad and I couldn't make it upstairs so I pissed on the street. I was hoping to make it to my building stairwell (ah, the memories), but it was probably best that I didn't. There was no one around so I went on the sidewalk. Ahhhhh . . . it was quite refreshing I must say. Gross, but very much needed. I soon began to wonder how you could possibly contain a stumbling drunk from pissing on the street in the Bronx, or anywhere for that matter, let alone in Chinatown? How about a well lit sign? That might do the trick, eh. Maybe not!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Vegas Recap

June 2005

Memorable Moments . . .

-Playing in a late night/early morning NL ring game at the Plaza with Iggy, the Fat Guy, Hank, AlCan'tHang, Eva, Heather, GRob, and Travis. I went to bed at 10am that day.

-Watching Professional poker player Chris Halverson and the Fat Guy play craps. Scott was following Chris' lead but he just recently learned how to play! I don't need to tell you how that story ended.

-Walking behind Paul and Human Head while a Mexican woman cursed at them for teasing her to do a triple slap on the porn cards.

-Almost knocking over Fossilman during a table change and saying, "Sorry Greg" while slapping him on the back.

-Seeing Joaquin take off in mid-conversation to sing a song for the bloggers! Very impressive. He sung the entire song in spanish. The crowd went wild!!!

-During a live SnG in our suite, listening to Drizz yell at Paul's laptop when someone called his big raises on Full Tilt Poker.

-Walking away from the Black Jack table a winner.

-Watching a drunk Bill Rini ask the Plaza Black Jack dealer if she wanted to buy insurance when he hit blackjack. He did this a few times. The dealer was not amused.

-Listening to Mrs. Otis say, "super cunt" twice in less than a minute.

-Sitting at the same Plaza poker table as Boy Genius when he asked the dealer why there weren't any Mexican's on Freemont Street slapping porn.

-Watching Felicia do shots while holding her nose. And then later eating McDonald's with her.

-Downing a few drinks with Royal, Al and Eva before the blogger tourney.

-Seeing Iggy eat food. I actually saw him consume something other than booze or cigarettes this trip.

- Watching THG do SoCo shots with AlCantHang while sitting across from him at the Plaza's mixed game table.

-Prior to the 1st hand of the Plaza tourney, listening to Boy Genius ask our table how Texas Holdem was different from Pai Gow Poker (I was the only who chuckled).

-Listening to Bob tell a poker table at the Excalibur that he was such a good poker player, that the World Series invited him to play and waived the buy in fee for him because he was one of the top 800 poker players in the world.

-Blowing $35 at two different casinos while betting on the ponies with BG and the Can't Hangs.

-Getting wasted and hanging out with bloggers!

The Top 15 List: By the numbers . . .

15 - the # of times Bobby Bracelet found a way to segue a conversation toward the fact that he played in the WSoP.
14 - the # of times the Poker Geek said, "Sure, why not when he called a bet."
13 - the # of times I saw Otis stroke his goatee during WSoP play.
12 - the # of McDonald's cheesburgers I ate at the Plaza.
11 - the # of times Badblood flexed his muscles for no reason.
10 - the # of muscle shirts worn by BadBlood, Bob and Joaquin combined.
9 - the # of times I gave Antonio Esfandiari the "pttf" to his face as well as behind his back at the Rio.
8 - the # of packs of cigarettes I smoked in 5 days.
7 - the # of times the Mcg boys inadvertantly insulted Maudie's poker play during a heads up match with Iggy. Drizz was heard screaming in the background each time.
6 - the # of pairs of underwear I brought with me.
5 - the number of times I saw the Fat Guy wearing a kickass cool shirt. This also happens to be the same # of times that I saw the sun rise in Vegas during this trip.
4- the # of 18 yr old California girls that Joaquin and I tried to pick up. They were from Orange County, CA and I tried to use a storyline plot from the OC as a pick up line. It almost worked.
3 - the # of times the Poker Geek passed out in public. This also happens to be the same # of Asian woman in Vegas who now FEAR GRob.
2 - the # of times I hit quads on the river with a Canadian national standing in close proximity.
1 - the # of times I saw Boy Genuis insult a celebrity.

And the winners are . . .

1st blogger I saw other than Paul: Grubby
1st blogger I saw passed out: Bill Rini
1st blogger I saw puke: Bill Rini
1st blogger not named Paul, AlCantHang or me to drop a duece in our toilet: the Poker Geek
1st person caught puking in public while completely shitfaced: Matt aka Austin Drunks
1st person kicked out of a casino: Matt again!
1st blogger seen playing Pai Gow Poker: Heather
The last blogger I saw other than Paul and FlipChip: Grubby
And the worst buffet award goes to the Rio . . . no wonder I ate so much McDonald's.

The biggest hockey puck award goes to Spaceman! The rumors floating around the south is that his is bigger than Otis'. Thankfully, this rumor continues to remain a mystery.

I plan on writing more of a traditional Vegas trip report at some point so stay tuned. In the meantime, check out Paul's site. He's got live coverage of the 2005 WSoP on it. Flipchip has some great photos too. Check out his WSOP Photo Gallery.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Bronx OTB visits = Hooligan status

Wow. Who'da thought my visit to OTB with Bob would make it onto Oddjack. lol. Next time, Bob and I need to take pictures . . . of the OTB, not us pissing!! Though that would've been funny too.

By the way, keep checking out my brother's site. Paul's got live coverage of the WSoP on it. He has the one and only WSOP Live Blog. Pauly, the PokerProf and Flipchip are busting their butts covering the 2005 World Series of Poker if you didn't know! Flipchip has the WSOP Photo Gallery going too. Check it out now!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Super Charlie

Paul posted a touching story about Spaceman's friend Charlie. Check out Jason's site and give your well wishes. Marcel Luske is one cool dude!!!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Drunk, Bloated, and Sweaty . . . .

is no way to go through life but it was a great way to spend this past weekend. Bob and I hung out again on Saturday. We woke up pretty late on Saturday, so we didn't make it over to the Belmont for the races. Afleet Alex won again! It was an exciting race. I have an OTB up the block from me and I also have the OTB channel so Bob and I decided skip Belmont and take advantage of the action going on up the block.

We ate a Greek Diner before heading over to place our bets. Chicken wings and bacon cheesburgers rule!!! Thank goodness the diner and OTB had air conditioning. I don't have one so it gets pretty brutal at my place. The summer weather in NYC sucks ass so not having an AC is very sadistic. It's so freakin' humid here. 80 degrees in NYC is far worse than 120 degrees in Vegas. So picture trying to sleep in my top floor apartment with no AC. Torture comes to mind. Though, outside isn't much better.

The OTB was filled with a bunch of old white guys, a ton of minorities and a bunch of handicapped people (mentally and physically). The female quotient was about 40/60 which was funny. A bunch of portly black women were hootin' and holler'in at the TV sets. The only thing missing was a wet T-shirt contest and some cocktail waitresses!

There are 2 odds things about OTB these days. You can not smoke there anymore (it's NYC) and there's several signs posted that remind the patrons that urinating is not allowed in any stairwells or within public view. Such activity is retricted to the restroom or in your own domicile. Wow . . . people need to be reminded not to do that? lol. The night before, while leaving one of the cards rooms, Bob and I pissed in that building's stairwell (just out of view of the security cameras too). I guess people DO need to be reminded!

So, we placed a bet for BG too and took off back to my place to drink and get a little wasted before heading out. We won a little money on the 11th race but narrowly missed out on a big pay day when one of our horses crapped out and finished in 4th.

After the races, we headed to the Heartland Brewery in midtown and sampled a bunch of their beers (8 kinds) and stuffed our faces. Bob had a nice rib eye and I had Lobster bisque with a BBQ quesadilla & mashed potatoes. Who da thought the Mexican food would be better here than at the Mexican restaurant we went to the night before. Figures. The best Mexican food I've eaten in NYC is run by Chinese immigrants. That's NYC for you! So as you can see, I spent most of the weekend wasted, sweating and bloated from eating too much food. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the weekend with a WSoP player.

I forgot to mention a funny story from Friday night. I'm not sure if Bob remembers it but I'll tell it anyway. We were at this bar drinking and there were a few girls pounding margaritas next to us. Two blondes wedged their way in between us and the drunk girls. Within a minute, one of the drunk girls spills her margarita all over one of the blondes. A lot of the drink landed on the girl's feet. She had a brand new peticure and new sandals on. She was a little pissed her feet were sticky and her shoes might get ruined. Bob jumped in and gave her some good party advice. He said, "You know what you got to do now, right? You have to spill something less sticky like water or vodka on your feet to clean that mess up." Solid advice!! lol. The girl giggled and said thanks. I guess she wasn't aware of whose presence she was in . . . Bobby Bracelet!

Next weekend . . . Atlantic City with Bob and a bunch of other action junkies.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Down $100 and Already Hungover

Bob and I just got back from taking Manhattan by storm. We ate some really bad Mexican food and drank a decent amount of alcohol in a short span. We hit Caroline's Comdey Club and then did a dial-a-shot with AlCan'tHang after the set was done. After the SoCo shots (we had 3 each), it was time for some good old fashioned illegal gambling!

We hit a card room in the Chinatown area (our dealer was Asian too). The guys at our NL table were horrible poker players. If we had more time to play, we would've cleaned up. The term "loose" doesn't properly capture or describe the play at our table. I saw one guy move all in with K7o. Another guy was raising in EP with 85o. There were way too many bad hands shown down to the river. I have a feeling that Bob and I were the only ones folding hands with one A or one paint. It was that bad.

Bob moved all in on the flop with AJ and lost his stack to K-medium. I won a big pot with the Hiltons against Q4o (yes, you read that correctly . . . Q4o). After I raised preflop, some clown reraised me and I moved all in. He thinks for a little bit and in all seriousness, he looks over at me and asks if I want action. lol. I looked back and said, "Yes and no." The idiot called and doubled me up. In the very next hand, I lost my entire stack. I was on the button and it was 3 handed. I raised and got one caller. I bet to a check on the flop and got reraised. I knew the guy was trying to steal the pot because he bitched about me blind stealing when I raised preflop. I moved all in on the flop with nothing. I had J8. The guy called and flipped over J7. Unfortunately, I lost when a 7 hit the board. I was hoping to re-steal the pot but he had me covered and called. Ouch. Our table broke up and most people took off for the night. Bob and I both lost our buy ins tonight but at least we got to piss in a building stairwell before the night was over.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Danger lerks

I just got off the phone with Bob. I'll be meeting him in front of Penn Station in about an hour or so. Uh oh . . . look out Manhattan!! I smell a dial-a-shot coming. We're thinking about hitting Belmont tomorrow. Anyone need us to place a bet for them??? Too bad BG and Paul aren't here.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

2005 WSoP Live Coverage

Hey, don't forget to check out Paul's site. He's got live coverage of the WSoP on it. He's busting his butt to have the one and only WSOP Live Blog. Pauly, PokerProf and Flipchip are kicking ass in their 2005 World Series of Poker coverage.

Flipchip is snapping some cool pics for the WSOP Photo Gallery. Check out the 2005 World Series of Poker News as well as Poker Player newspaper for the best coverage in the business. And did I mention that there are live updates? Check it out now!!!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

WPBT Champion

Bill Rini won the honors at the Aladdin Classic this past weekend by beating CJ heads up for the title. Bill won the Gigli award last year so he definitely deserved this year's title. He survived both a shortstack late in the tourney and a rough first night passed out in my room. Congrats Bill!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Back from Veags

I took the red eye home from Vegas. It sucks to be back home. I would've loved to stay a few more days. I landed at 9am today and I am tired as shit but the trip was fun. Check out Pauly's site for photos he took during the trip. I spent the last few hours of my trip at the Rio. I was watching Paul and FlipChip in action. They both had front row seats to the final table. I saw Paul with his laptop out talking to David Williams. I was sitting in the stands watching the final table. I was there for awhile before I realized that I was less than 2 feet away from the tray that was holding the cash prizes. I could reach out and touch it if I had the balls . . . . or stupidity. The only thing between me and a million + dollars was an old security guard. Well, that and a million video cameras. I've never seen that much money up close. It was exciting.

Boy Genius has a funny Pete Rose story to tell. More info to come on the Vegas trip. Stay tuned . . .