December 2005 Holiday Classic
I was on my way to the Bellagio buffet with Spaceman and his wife when it hit me. Fuck! I left my bankroll and hotel key on the TV stand in my room. Shit! What to do? I left my room in a hurry and forgot the two most important things you need in Las Vegas.
I decided to go get security and track my stuff down. You never know. I saw the hotel chamber maids doing some shady stuff on my floor and didn't want to be their next victim. I wanted to get back to my room before my bankroll was missing.
I tracked down security and they agreed to hook me up. I was also missing my ID and credit cards. What a rookie mistake!
I went up to my room with this rather large security guard. Let's say his name was Montel. I chatted him up on the way to my room and described the items I was looking for. He let me in to the room and I pointed to my bankroll etc. As I walked in . . . he gave the sniff sniff to me and goes . . . . "It smells like someone was smoking rope in here."
I was already embarrassed that I left my bankroll and key in there . . . now this guy was busting my balls. I was ashamed and looked down at the floor all dejected and mumbled something like, "Yes sir. Rope was smoked in here."
The guard quickly responded with, "No wonder you left the room without your shit! You gotta stop smoking that stuff. Slow down kid."
The funny thing about this situation was not my fear of going to jail or getting outed as a pothead. That was the last thing on my mind. The only thought I had at that moment was . . . do I tip this guy or not?
Well, the Bellagio buffet was awesome! Kobe beef rules! Spaceman and Rachel got a good laugh at my "smoking rope" hijinx. They were glad they missed it for obvious reasons. As you can see, I'm still going through some Las Vegas withdrawals. If only I was still there!
This trip was a blast. I always love going to Las Vegas in December. Cowboys, bloggers, hammers, wheel spins, donkey poker and prop bets are always fun during the holidays! Unfortunately, I can't blog more than half of what happened during this trip. As always, it was way too crazy to talk about. I will try to give some highlights and lowlights of my trip.
Memorable Moments . . .
- Getting ridiculed by Paul Phillips for telling him a Stud hi bad beat story. Comically, it wasn't even a bad beat story. It just sounded like one since I had 4 flush cards showing. He did chuckle afterwards since he hadn't heard a Stud bad beat story in awhile.
- Watching Human Head play the hammer twice in video poker. He won both times!
- Watching one of the all-time classics Porky's on the Jetblue TV. The OC was on too . . . gotta love Jetblue.
- Iggy almost getting kicked out of the poker room before he decided to leave.
- Hanging out in PH 16 late night with the gang and getting a chance to party hard with the AlCantHang crew, Royal, Shep and TeamScottSmith et al.
- Watching Joaquin be a pimp on the left coast.
- Iggy winning a moster pot while playing his hand blind from the rail.
- Meeting Liz Lieu. She walked up to me and Paul unsolicited. She even touched me!
- Early morning Greyhounds.
- Almost losing $150 on those damn KC Chiefs!
- Someone almost dying in the Mandalay Bay bathroom.
- Slot whoring with Grubby at the Westin, Palace Stations and Silverton.
- Getting a free buffet comp from Grubby.
- Spinning the Excalibur wheel and then prop betting on the color of the spin.
- Meeting Brandon Schaefer at the MGM and watching him tip more money than he won in pots.
- Sitting at a monster table during the WPBT event: Spaceman, Wampler, the Rooster, Poker Nerd, Mike Villa, Jaxia, Chad-a-rama, Linda, Easycure, Stb, Michael Craig, Pablo.
- Eating a massive Outback meal with Pauly, Spaceman, Rachel and Iggy. I was done after the appetizers. The gang goaded me during the meal because the waitress was hitting on me. I was immediately turned off when she whispered in my ear that her herpes had cleared up and wasn't a problem anymore. Jeez . . . wasn't a problem for who? Man . . . I'm still recovering from that meal.
- Two words . . . Mene Gene!
- Smoking the Wynn poker room for a nice profit on my last day.
- Almost landing a hot cocktail waitresses' phone number. I couldn't close the deal . . . where's the Rooster when you need some help!
- Ciao Batista!
- Watching Bobby Bracelet hit on a MILF coworker at a restaurant.
- Getting drunk with everyone at Mandalay Bay on Sunday and getting a chance to hang out with Royal, Boy Genius and Bill Rini. Thanks again for the tourney Bill!!!
- HORSE at the MGM. Thanks to Joaquin for arranging the mixed games.
- New ROSHAMBO Champ . . . . Mrs. Head.
- CJ taking down a big tourney at the MGM. Joe Speaker finished in 4th. CJ let me fondle one of his many $500 chip. I rubbed it on my nipples while Falstaff took a photograph.
- Falstaff free-balling in that wacky kilt! He was repeatedly reminded to stop crossing his legs. There are children in Vegas now damnit!
- Lewey, Lewey, Lewey . . . . Oi, Oi, Oi!!!!!!
- Killing the stash of booze in PH 16.
- Late night conversations with the Philly gang in PH16.
- Double orders of bacon and SoCo.
- Trying to tilt Dr. Jeff Willy by asking him for medical advice in the middle of a hand.
- Nice dumper honey!
- $17 Subway sandwiches
- Donkey poker
- Having my AA hold up 5 times at the Wynn. Unfortunately, my QQ was cracked twice in one orbit. Ouch!
- Chocolate canolis
- Meeting so many cool people.
- Staying up all night and partying with the gang.
- Getting a chance to see most of the bloggers off on Monday morning. Human Head, Travis, Alan, Iggy, Mrs Head, F Train, Stb and myself drank all morning until 11am.
- Getting wasted and hanging out with bloggers!
- Hanging with ACH and Big Mike in the penthouse!
- Late night parties in my room.
- Travis winning a bath robe at the IP poker room.
- Running into F Train on the plane ride out to Las Vegas.
- Getting picked up at the airport by Grubby and Iggy.
- Getting a nice room with a kick ass view!
- Going on a rush at the MGM mixed games. I went from being down $94 to up $20. Thanks to Shane and ACH for letting me grab 4/6th of a monster O8 hand.
- Seeing Wil Wheaton, Chris Moneymaker, Brandon Schaefer, Paul Phillips and Phil Gordon hanging out at the MGM poker room.
- $2 Craps at Casino Royale!
- Mr. Cashman slots!
- Jenny Leo from the block!
- Hitting Barry Greenstein and Joe Sebok up for a loan! hahah . . . only kidding!
- Telling the dealer to check Gamecock's ID after he raised a pot.
- Sitting at the WPBT table that boasted the most tattoos . . . most of them belonged to Chad and Linda!
- Telling someone at my poker table that I met Pablo, Travis, Drizz, and TrumpJosh in a Canadian prison last year. It was good times I said.
- Chain smoking near an IP trash can with Joanne and Change 100 . . . no one's junk was grabbed.
- Late night drunken rants by Daddy.
- Smoking rope
- Meeting everyone's hot wife.
- The Bellagio buffett
- Getting people on tilt playing donkey poker.
- G-Rob's hair.
- Losing $300 at a MGM NL table inside of 3 hands. Ouch!
- Losing money at the Deal-a-tainers blackjack table! Damn that Elvis Presley!
- Losing $30 in prop bets to Pablo and Travis. We were betting on the color of the wheel spins . . . damn that yellow!
- Unsuccessfully trying to drop the hammer on the Rooster during WPBT tourney play. He's a cagey mofo damnit!
- The Geisha bar.
- In and Out Burgers!
- Seeing pure joy on the face of Easy Cure's wife when she hit a straight flush playing Pai Gow! She won $625!!!
A few other regrets include:
- Not be able to urinate in public damnit.
- Getting stuck next to 2 large smelly woman on the plane ride home. Damn F Train for jinxing me. On Monday morning, we wondered why neither one of us ever gets seated next to a hot model on a plane. Damn those models and their first class seating!
- Not enough late night drunken bowling damnit!
One of my last memories of this trip are of Grubby telling me to choose between slot whoring and strip clubs. I think I foolishly chose the wrong one. Both are -EV I guess. I should've opted for the naked boobies . . . boy am I stupid!
And lastly . . . I will leave you all with one comment/thought about this trip (this one is for Grubby and Iggy) . . . . "I really like what you're doing over there! It's good stuff."
That's all folks . . . as Human Head would say . . . Cocaine in a can Baby!!!!!