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Monday, August 08, 2005

Cornholing at the Taj & Capri Shaking at the Borgata

So I recently got back from Atlantic City where I had a great time playing poker and winning some money. During this trip, I saw some of the worst poker being played which was good news for me. lol. I forgot how much fun live play can be. I was getting a little board of online play so this trip to AC was very much needed for me. Sitting next to all the scum bags live, listening to bad jokes and dragging the occasional pot in a casino is much more exciting than sitting on your couch clicking and dragging. There's no doubt about that.

While playing at the Taj Mahal, two things kept running through my mind. One had to do with the movie, Rounders. There's a scene were Ed Norton is telling Matt Damon that when he feels shitty, there's always something that cheers him up . . .

"Rolled up Aces over Kings. Check raising stupid, unsuspecting tourists and taking huge pots off them. Having stacks & towers of checks so high that you can't see over them. Playing high limit hold'em all night long at the Taj where the sand turns to gold."

The thought of that gets me excited every time I'm at the Taj. There are always so many over matched tourists and college kids playing there that even an average player can do well. The thought of sticking it to the bad poker players and taking big pots off of them was what led to the other thing that kept popping into my mind. It was this . . . .

"I think it is important that everyone know the proper way to fuck a donkey. There are several approaches, but none more efficient than this one. I prefer to call this the "Backdoor Cut" approach, but it is also known in parts of Appalachia as "Slapjacking," "Mule Greasing," and "The Old Rough n' Tumble."" Daddy

I'm going to try and break this up into a couple of posts so here's a little bit of my trip starting from the end. It's kind of a reverse post. So stay tuned for more tales of my trip to Atlantic City . . . . .

August 2005 - outside the Taj Mahal

"Are you going to play poker?"

I was at the tail end of a 15 plus hour poker session when I heard this phrase uttered. Was I going to play? I was just thinking the same thing. What would Paul and Grubby do?? The Strip Clubs in Atlantic City blow so that wasn't an option. I was standing in front of the Taj Mahal Casino and I was confused. I didn't know what my next move was. It was about 8am and I knew the poker room would be practically empty. I had just stumbled off the jitney bus a few minutes earlier and my original plans were to grab some food but this voice made me pause and think. What to do?? I was a kid in a candy store. Black jack, Craps, slots, Pai Gow Poker? Decisions, decisions. I was tired and couldn't make up my mind. What next? Wait . . . who asked me that question anyway??

I spent most of the early part of my poker session at the Taj Mahal. I cleaned up there and later made my way over to the Borgata for some late night/early morning gambling. I was back at the Taj after making that long walk from the street to the front of the casino where the check-in area is located. The poker room just happens to be on that side of the casino. I was spaced out and tired and had my head down most of the way. It was hot and I wanted to get back inside where there was air conditioning. As I made my way to the door nearest the poker room . . . I heard a voice say . . . . "Are you going to play poker?"

The voice sounded very interested in my future plans. I took my hand off the door and looked over to my left to see a young girl sitting on a bench. Was she talking to me?? She repeated her comment. Why was this young girl interested in my gambling habits? I walked over to her and told her I wasn't sure. I asked if she played and she said no. She didn't gamble at all. That's weird, huh? Then it hit me. She was a hooker you retard and I walked right into it. I was so spaced out and tired that my radar was off. She looked too young and it was 8am so I wasn't expecting to be propositioned at a time when most people are heading to work. I guess I was her last ditch effort at a john before her late night session ended.

She tried to tell me that she saw me at the Borgata earlier. She wanted to head up to my room for a late night party but there was one problem. I wasn't staying at the Taj! lol. Actually, I didn't have a room at all during my stay in AC. I had no intentions of purchasing her services but I wanted to keep the act up. I was board and delirious so why not shoot the shit with a hooker while I smoked a cigarette. I told her that my name was Matty and that I was a proctologist from Linton, Indiana. That was my cover story but she didn't seem to care nor was she impressed. I told her that our professions had a lot in common. For instance, I too was in possession of some rubbers and lube since it's my job. I always need to come prepared since you never know when an emergency might arise. She didn't get the joke at all. Oh well. I told her that I just came from the Borgata where I was staying. She tried to get me to cab it back there with her. I said no and she offered to take me back to her place. "Sorry honey, maybe next time (translation . . . I like my kidneys)."

This girl looked a lot like Halle Berry. I should've known from the get go that she wouldn't talk to me for free. I had a hard time getting away from her but I eventually did. I was tempted by her taunts of, "the blacker the better . . . the sweater the juice honey," but I had to decline and walk away. I was hungry and nature was calling. I walked inside the casino and immediately started laughing out loud when I looked up and noticed that there were 2 brand new Hummer vehicles parked in front of the poker room for someone to win. Was someone telling me something? One was black and one was yellow. I turned around but Halle was gone. I didn't have any gas left in my tank anyway. It was time for me to eat and run.


At 8/08/2005 1:57 PM, Blogger Daddy said...

If you're going to use my cover, at least fuck the poor girl.

At 8/08/2005 2:52 PM, Blogger Derek McG said...

lol. next time!

At 8/08/2005 4:07 PM, Blogger Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

How do I get a hold of you now a days...the cubbs email is no go. Oh, I like the hummer story...reminds me of the girl that Grub and Pauly talk about having a special gift while giving the lap dance...classic...don't worry...every guy has fallen for the nice girl act after nights and nights of gambling...I don't care who says diff.

At 8/09/2005 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds like a solid night at the casino, at least you kept your cards close to your chest and didn't let the dirty bird walk all over you. Do you spend most of your time playing poker in Atlantic City, i am just getting started into blogging so i enjoy reading your blogs, and you can check out my poker blogs at

till next time, keep up the solid poker talk

At 8/22/2005 2:48 AM, Blogger Beck said...

Yeah, we AC locals know exactly what chair you're talking about. It's where the hookers sit and wait for customers. They're always there, right by the poker room.

At 2/08/2013 5:35 PM, Anonymous Host PPH said...

One thing that I makes a trip even better. it is the win money and this money pays for the trip.


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