Welcome to Derek's Poker Blog

Monday, August 29, 2005


There is nothing poker related in this post.

Jessica and the Evas

Sunday, August 28, 2005


It’s been a week since Bradoween ended and I’m still recovering for crying out loud. There were so many great moments that weekend that I’ll never forget. I had a really great time. Otis and his wife threw an awesome party. Badblood and his wife were great hosts. The entire G-Vegas crew was unbelievable. Some of the more memorable moments at Bradoween have already been told but here are some of my favorite ones.

-Watching Team Scott Smith climb several trees late night. He didn’t fall once.

-Watching Otis take $5 from Paul to eat a half used cup of ranch dressing. At this exact moment, Iggy couldn’t get anyone at his table to eat a different used cup of ranch for $100. Huh?

-Watching Maudie take a steel chair shot across the head from Badblood.

-Watching Lefty take down an eating contest for TEAM GOOD!

-Sweating like a fat kid from the South.

Me sweating during the Flip Cup event

(click to enlarge)

-The Bait Shack.

-Watching Boy Genius drink water out of a tin bucket for $25.


-Hooters girls.

-Southern Comfort

-Uncle Ted

-Wet T-shirt contest.

-Moral clauses.

-Puking on the lawn several times and getting a high five from Mrs. Otis.

Mrs. Otis says, "You deserve a prize for puking on my lawn!"

-The Al Can’t Hang Experience.

-The Drunk Olympics.

-Rubbing my testicles and picking my nose before I attempted to arm wrestle Badblood.

-Did I mention, naked breasts?

-Watching Paul take down the Bradoween poker tourney.


-Standing next to Tom late night when Otis almost fell down. One of the tables happened to break Otis’ fall and he just kept walking as if nothing happened. If Paul was with us at that moment, he would've said: Otis 1, Driveway 0.

-Did I mention, drinking?

-When asking Big Mike and Al if I could bum a smoke, they gave me an option. They offered “Prison” or “Non-prison” cigarettes. I chose the “Prison” cigarettes. It was late night at Bradoween and I was in the South! ARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!

-Did I mention, high school girls?

-Tripping over two passed out guys near Otis’ front lawn. One guy was sleeping on Otis’ front steps and the other guy was lying in the gutter. Thankfully, Al and I moved the guy from the front steps before lil’ Otis saw him.

-Getting a chance to see Shep all pimped out late night.

-Smoking a million cigarettes on Badblood’s porch.

-Drinking Eva's Long Island Ice Teas.

-Taking a ride in Pablo's car to look for more high school girls. Remember folks, we were in the South so this type of behavior is ok! ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!

-Daddy likes 'em stout!

-And finally . . . Bonus Code Iggy.

In closing, Bradoween=FUN, Drunk Olympics is rigged and I have two large words for you . . . BOATHOUSE BASH!!!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

G-Vegas and Bradoween

I'm back from G-Vegas and yes I puked 4.5 times on Otis' front lawn. It happened immediately after the Drunk Olympics. Mrs. Otis seemed really pumped and excited about that! More to follow on Bradoween . . . but know this . . . not only did I puke but I arm wrestled Badblood, saw multiple female nipples (both during and after the wet t-shirt competition), sweated like a fat kid from the south, got extremely wasted, saw alot of hijinx and crazy prop bets, and had one hell of a great time. Thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Otis for throwing a great party. Bradoween was a blast! Thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Blood for letting a bunch of gambling degenerates stay in their home. Go Team Good!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Party Poker

Aussie Open

I won two satellite seats on Party Poker the other day. One was for the Aussie Open and the other was for the Party Poker Million Crusie.

I played in a single table tourney to win the Aussie seat. I was the short stack with 4 players left in the STT. I held on until heads up and took down the big stack for the satellite seat. He had a 3 to 1 chip lead and was pissed when he lost to me. I won a $215 seat for the Aussie Open satellite. It was a MTT with 101 players. Joanne and AlCan'tHang watched me while I played. Thanks guys! I busted out in 16th place and the winner got a package for the Aussie Open. I lost a big hand in Level 6 when I pushed on the button with 99 versus JJ. There was 49 players left at this point. The girl with JJ was in EP and made a minimum raise. I fell for it and pushed. She called and I had her covered. I lost half my stack but eventually battled back to the top 10 in chips.

When we got down to 25 players, I was dealt 88 at the cutoff. Everyone folded to me. I raised with 88 and someone in the SB reraised me (minimum raise again). I knew something was up this time but I had them covered plus she was the shortstack at the table so I put her all in. Unfortunately, she had QQ and I lost a little chunk of my stack. I battled back but right before the break I took a big swift kick in the junk. I had 99 and was getting short stacked. I pushed all in and went up against KK. I flopped a 9 but a K hit the turn and I was left with T288 in chips at break. As Al said in the chat, nothing's worse than getting kicked like that and then having to sit through a break for 5 minutes. It was torture but oh well. I gave it a good run and was KO'd in 16th. I got nothing for my efforts. I just missed the money and someone else got the Aussie package.

Party Poker Million

I qualified for this satellite by finishing in the top 4 in a PPM V multi table qualifier. There was like 50 people in it and the top 4 or 5 paid. As soon as I won the free $162 seat, I moved all in and got KO'd in 4th place. I didn't care since I was moving on to the PPM satellite. I had already played in the Aussie tourney the night before so I was ready for this one. Only 84 people played in the satellite which sucked because we needed 90 for the WPT package. PP chopped the prize pool up 10 ways instead. Top 10 paid which was cool but there was no package. I did much better in this tourney. I finished in the money. I got KO'd in 9th place.

During level 4, I folded Q6o in the BB. There were 2 raisers when I folded. Both guys went all in preflop. It was AA vs KK. The board was 7-6-6-6-K. I would've cracked both hands. Damn!! It was a huge pot too. There were 48 players left at this point. In level 6, I moved all in as the shortstack with 55. I flopped a set and turned quads! I won a big pot since it was 3 way. I was movin' on up! 19 players were left by now. Next thing I know, I'm in the top 3 in chips before the break hits. Shortly after the break, everyone tighened up big time. Soon enough, we got down to 10 players and we all made the money. I figured people would loosen up but they didn't. I got caught making a blinds steal. My hand was alright but I shouldn't have tried it against the chip leader's BB. I had AJo and moved all in on the button. The BB called with QQ and I lost. I flopped a straight draw but my hand didn't improve. I was out in 9th place. I was hoping to get 1st place since it paid $3,500. It wasn't the package deal but it looked good enough to me! Unfortunately, it wasn't my day. I walked away with a decent win and had a nice run on PP this week. Next time!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Name that photo . . .

This is a picture of me at a casino table in Las Vegas. I am one or more of the following things.

Any guesses??

In this picture, I am . . . .

a. dazed and confused after losing a big pot set over set.
b. wondering how the hell Tuan Le won two WPT events.
c. trying to figure out why my 4 card straight didn't win.
d. stunned that I was turned down by a prostitute after I offered to pay for her services with cheeseburgers.
e. pretending to be shocked & amazed that Badblood failed his WPBT BALCO piss test.
f. in shock because I was just told that Asians and Jews were not allowed to play poker in town any more.
g. listening to someone tell me how they found out the hard way that the sign "free sausage sandwiches" was not what they thought it was.
h. flabbergasted because I was just told that online poker is rigged!

Editor's note: I am part Asian.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Cornholing at the Taj & Capri Shaking at the Borgata

So I recently got back from Atlantic City where I had a great time playing poker and winning some money. During this trip, I saw some of the worst poker being played which was good news for me. lol. I forgot how much fun live play can be. I was getting a little board of online play so this trip to AC was very much needed for me. Sitting next to all the scum bags live, listening to bad jokes and dragging the occasional pot in a casino is much more exciting than sitting on your couch clicking and dragging. There's no doubt about that.

While playing at the Taj Mahal, two things kept running through my mind. One had to do with the movie, Rounders. There's a scene were Ed Norton is telling Matt Damon that when he feels shitty, there's always something that cheers him up . . .

"Rolled up Aces over Kings. Check raising stupid, unsuspecting tourists and taking huge pots off them. Having stacks & towers of checks so high that you can't see over them. Playing high limit hold'em all night long at the Taj where the sand turns to gold."

The thought of that gets me excited every time I'm at the Taj. There are always so many over matched tourists and college kids playing there that even an average player can do well. The thought of sticking it to the bad poker players and taking big pots off of them was what led to the other thing that kept popping into my mind. It was this . . . .

"I think it is important that everyone know the proper way to fuck a donkey. There are several approaches, but none more efficient than this one. I prefer to call this the "Backdoor Cut" approach, but it is also known in parts of Appalachia as "Slapjacking," "Mule Greasing," and "The Old Rough n' Tumble."" Daddy

I'm going to try and break this up into a couple of posts so here's a little bit of my trip starting from the end. It's kind of a reverse post. So stay tuned for more tales of my trip to Atlantic City . . . . .

August 2005 - outside the Taj Mahal

"Are you going to play poker?"

I was at the tail end of a 15 plus hour poker session when I heard this phrase uttered. Was I going to play? I was just thinking the same thing. What would Paul and Grubby do?? The Strip Clubs in Atlantic City blow so that wasn't an option. I was standing in front of the Taj Mahal Casino and I was confused. I didn't know what my next move was. It was about 8am and I knew the poker room would be practically empty. I had just stumbled off the jitney bus a few minutes earlier and my original plans were to grab some food but this voice made me pause and think. What to do?? I was a kid in a candy store. Black jack, Craps, slots, Pai Gow Poker? Decisions, decisions. I was tired and couldn't make up my mind. What next? Wait . . . who asked me that question anyway??

I spent most of the early part of my poker session at the Taj Mahal. I cleaned up there and later made my way over to the Borgata for some late night/early morning gambling. I was back at the Taj after making that long walk from the street to the front of the casino where the check-in area is located. The poker room just happens to be on that side of the casino. I was spaced out and tired and had my head down most of the way. It was hot and I wanted to get back inside where there was air conditioning. As I made my way to the door nearest the poker room . . . I heard a voice say . . . . "Are you going to play poker?"

The voice sounded very interested in my future plans. I took my hand off the door and looked over to my left to see a young girl sitting on a bench. Was she talking to me?? She repeated her comment. Why was this young girl interested in my gambling habits? I walked over to her and told her I wasn't sure. I asked if she played and she said no. She didn't gamble at all. That's weird, huh? Then it hit me. She was a hooker you retard and I walked right into it. I was so spaced out and tired that my radar was off. She looked too young and it was 8am so I wasn't expecting to be propositioned at a time when most people are heading to work. I guess I was her last ditch effort at a john before her late night session ended.

She tried to tell me that she saw me at the Borgata earlier. She wanted to head up to my room for a late night party but there was one problem. I wasn't staying at the Taj! lol. Actually, I didn't have a room at all during my stay in AC. I had no intentions of purchasing her services but I wanted to keep the act up. I was board and delirious so why not shoot the shit with a hooker while I smoked a cigarette. I told her that my name was Matty and that I was a proctologist from Linton, Indiana. That was my cover story but she didn't seem to care nor was she impressed. I told her that our professions had a lot in common. For instance, I too was in possession of some rubbers and lube since it's my job. I always need to come prepared since you never know when an emergency might arise. She didn't get the joke at all. Oh well. I told her that I just came from the Borgata where I was staying. She tried to get me to cab it back there with her. I said no and she offered to take me back to her place. "Sorry honey, maybe next time (translation . . . I like my kidneys)."

This girl looked a lot like Halle Berry. I should've known from the get go that she wouldn't talk to me for free. I had a hard time getting away from her but I eventually did. I was tempted by her taunts of, "the blacker the better . . . the sweater the juice honey," but I had to decline and walk away. I was hungry and nature was calling. I walked inside the casino and immediately started laughing out loud when I looked up and noticed that there were 2 brand new Hummer vehicles parked in front of the poker room for someone to win. Was someone telling me something? One was black and one was yellow. I turned around but Halle was gone. I didn't have any gas left in my tank anyway. It was time for me to eat and run.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Scratch that Itch . . .

I have a really strong need to go gamble in a real casino right now. I think I'm going to head out to Atlantic City tomorrow for a few days and let it rip. It isn't Las Vegas but it will do. We'll see what happens. Be back soon!!