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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Las Vegas Recap

July 2006

As I waited at the gate to board my return flight home, I noticed this girl who looked very familiar to me. I couldn’t figure out who she was. It was killing me. Then it hit me. She was an actress. I didn’t know her name but I’ve seen her in several movies. I wasn’t 100% sure it was her since we were in a Las Vegas airport and not an LA one.

Jetblue started boarding the plane. She got on before me. Walking down the aisle, I noticed she was sitting in my row. I sat down and we were the only two in the row for the flight to NYC.

I looked over and started a conversation shortly into the flight. She was just opening a movie manuscript to read.

Excuse me but I think I know you. You’re Judy aren’t you? Judy Greer?

Uhh, yes I am. Do we know each other?

Yeah, I think so. We met last year at some party in LA. I think it was an Arrested Development wrap party. My friend’s an exec over there. I drank way too much Soco that night. I was hitting on you pretty hard. Then, I saw you at John O'Groats the next day and you totally blew me off.

The Rooster

This was a complete lie on my part. I never met this girl before in my life. I pulled a Joaquin Ochoa . . . the crime scene investigators at CSI have nothing on me . . . . I saw Judy’s personal info while waiting in line to board the plane. She had her full name, address and cell # on her bag tags. I was feeling frisky leaving Las Vegas and decided to screw around here with her to see how far I could push it.

Jen Garner and Judy Greer

She chuckled and goes, Yeah, maybe. I think I remember that party but I’m not sure if I remember you though. What’s your name again?

It’s Derek and that’s ok . . . . I’m pretty forgettable sometimes.

You look familiar to me too now that you mention it. I’m sure I didn’t mean to blow you off. I was probably in a hurry to a meeting or something.

Good . . . I thought I did something wrong the night before.

Like what?

You don’t remember the leg humping incident?

During the party?


No, I don’t remember that Derek.

It's probably best that you don't.

If I did, this seating situation would’ve been awkward.

No doubt. I couldn’t get you off my leg Judy. It was kind of embarrassing. Everyone was watching you.

You’re funny.

Thanks . . . I’m just kidding about the leg humping.

I'm sure you are . . . . . aren't you?

Of course I am.

I thought so.

You know Judy . . . I usually don’t allow leg humping until the second date. I’m conservative like that.

I'm sure you are Derek. It sounds like it.

Hey, I think this flight counts as our second date.

After some silence . . . she laughed.

So Jetblue huh?

Yeah . . . I like the satellite TV. I’m hoping to watch some Law & Order.

Sweet. So you must get stopped all the time by fans. It must get annoying especially when horny guys do it?

Sometimes . . . I love my fans though.

I gotta say . . . I’m a big fan of the Wedding Planner, Jawbreakers and 13 Going on 30. I really love what you’re doing over there . . . you do great work.

Over where?

Sorry . . . just a figure of speech. I mean . . . Fern Mayo . . . gotta love it.

Thanks. That’s an interesting shirt you’re wearing. What’s a Snailtrax?

It’s a long story but it has something to do with a friend of mine. It was his birthday this past weekend. It’s a shirt I wear in his honor.

What’s the back of it say?

Daddy likes em stout!

So, why are you going to NYC?

Me? I’m going home after a week long vacation with friends and family. You?

I have a business meeting in Manhattan. I have to read some of this manuscript before I land.

Nice . . . hey there’s a Dark Angel marathon on the Sci-fi channel right now. 4 hours of it . . . sweet!

Excuse me?

Sorry. Did I say that out loud Judy?


You gotta love Jessica Alba though.

I guess most guys love her. I can’t blame you.

Sweet Jessica

Do you know Jessica?

I’ve met her.

Can you introduce me?

Only if you let me grab your ass Derek.

Excuse me Judy?

You heard me . . . I want to grab your ass. I heard you have a pretty tight one for a fat kid.


Jen and Judy

At that moment . . . I started to smell something out of the ordinary. It was a great smell too. It was almost orgasmic. I looked a few rows back and noticed someone was cooking bacon of all things. And it was Gavin Smith! What’s going on??

I heard some commotion going on up front and turned my attention to it. I saw Bobby Bracelet playing Chau Giang heads up in a high stakes Blackjack game.

Bobby had a t-shirt that said Bobby Blackjack on it. Chau was cursing in another language when I noticed his shirt. On the front, it said “CHOW GANG” and on the back it said “Pimpin’ ain’t easy.”

I realized I was dreaming when I saw Phil Ivey prop betting with old ladies near the toilets. They were playing Roshambo for $100 a pop. Ouch!

That’s when I felt a sudden jab at my rib cage. I woke up a little confused. It was Judy Greer. She needed to go to the bathroom. I must have fallen asleep during the Dark Angel marathon. I was pretty tired after partying all week in Las Vegas.

Judy came back to her seat and I asked her if I was snoring. She said no and that I was only drooling. I think she was joking.

Excuse me but I think I know you. You’re Judy aren’t you? Judy Greer?

Uhh, yes I am. Didn’t we have this conversation already Derek??

I dunno. Did we? Arrested Development? John O'Groats? J-Lo? Fern Mayo?


Cool. You rock Judy.

Thanks. So do you Derek. How’s your Dark Angel marathon?

It’s going great. I love Jessica Alba!

I know. And I’m sorry but I still can’t introduce you to her. I don’t know her that well.

Hey, did they come by with drinks and snacks yet?

Not yet. You getting thirsty?

Yeah. A little bit but I’m really craving some bacon right now for some reason.

Me too actually. But I don’t think they have that on the flight menu.

You’re my kind of girl Judy. My kind of girl! By the way, do you know Bobby Bracelet by chance?

No. Should I?


What can I say? I started this Las Vegas trip eating free Fatburgers with Grubby and Pauly at Green Valley Ranch. Then I ran into Liz Lieu the second I stepped into the Rio. She talked to me and Pauly for almost an hour. She was pretty damn cool.

Then I got to end my trip sitting next to a Hollywood actress on my flight home. The only thing missing from this trip was membership into the mile high club!

This wild trip started out and finished well but I lost some money in between. It was well worth it though. I had a great time hanging out with old and new friends. It was a blast!

I partied pretty hard during this trip and made more of an effort to gamble less and hang out more. I played very little poker this trip. I spent a lot of time at the bar and also playing –EV table games like Pai Gow, Blackjack and Roulette. I tried to stay away from the craps table . . . I only went by to watch.

I didn’t shave all week and started to look like Chaka from the Land of the Lost. I was Chaka hairy by week end.


I have so many great memories from this week. I wish I was still there. Here are some of them.


Memorable Moments:

  • Watching Maudie do double tequila shots.

  • Blowing off Phil Gordon at Caesar’s to say hi to Bill Rini Sr. Bill’s dad was cool as shit!
  • Sweet sweet Gracie!

  • Watching Shane Nickerson beat out Iggy in two epic Roshambo battles. It was in the middle of the Pai Gow pit. I wondered if their battle was NGC sanctioned? Nickerson proceeded to lose his entire prop winnings at the blackjack table 15 minutes later. Ouch!
  • Walking away from the Pai Gow and Blackjack tables a winner. I played a shitload of-EV games this past week. I lost at poker but won at Pai Gow and blackjack. Very bizarre!

  • Hitting the Full Tilt Maxim party with Friedman. Clonie has huge boobs!
  • Meeting "My Main Man" Freddy Deeb's daughter.

Kick ass shirt

  • Watching a dealer pull a 5 card blackjack against Bobby. She pumped her fist in joy at the sight of her suckout on Bobby. She immediately took off for a dealer switch when I started to booooo her.

  • Poker Diva Liz Lieu

Me being groped by Liz

  • Amy Calistri’s boobs.
  • Watching F Train, Maigrey, Grubbette and Otis play craps. Heather likes betting on the come!

  • Two Words: Sir F!
  • Meeting Grubbette, Iggy’s buddy G Money and Sir F for the first time.

  • Watching Danny boy Negreanu tell Mike Matusow a bad beat story in the bathroom. I didn’t realize Pauly was in the bathroom at the same time. Matusow was picking his nose trying to hit the stall for a quick crap but Negreanu kept yapping about his Omaha hand.

  • Watching Isabelle Mercier wave to Pauly from the distance. Everyone in sight was on tilt!

  • Let it ride Bobby!

  • Hearing that Iggy puked in a trash can at the Excalibur! I walked up to him afterwards and he goes, “I’m going to pull a Derek. I just puked in a trash can. It’s time to puke and rally. Let’s hit the bar!”
  • Getting my ass kicked during prop bets. Sweet sweet Pablo cleaned me out on wheel spins. Damn those wheel spins!

  • Playing poker at the Red Rock Casino. They had a nice 4/8 half kill game. Pretty sweet poker room.

My breakfast at Red Rock

  • Eating dinner at Palm’s and Ferrara’s. Fat kids love their food!

  • Friday night ass grabbing!

  • Sweating Gracie, Isabelle Mercier, the Mark, and Brandon Schaefer at the Rio during WSOP play.
  • Canadians.

  • Playing drunken Pai Gow with the Heads, Maigrey, F Train, Maudie, Garth, Eva, Gracie and Change100.
  • Watching Iggy and April crush the roulette table!

  • Meeting Pauly’s college friend Armando!
  • Watching an Excalibur employee tell a groom in front of his future wife that it’s ok to fuck other girls and be unfaithful right up to the wedding ceremony since what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. The look on the grooms face was priceless.

  • Eating at a killer buffet with Stb, GMoney, Pauly, Spaceman, Gracie, Pablo, Rachel and Lydia.
  • Australians and even more Canadians!

  • Getting seated at the blogger tourney at Caesar’s and noticing my first table had Sir F, Spaceman, Helix, Donkey Puncher, Rachel Head, Russ Fox, and Michael Craig. I got to sit with Iggy, GMoney, Bobby, Franklin, and Cincy Sean later on. Helix crippled me when I ran into his K-K. I busted out shortly afterwards.
  • Getting a chance to hang out with AlCantHang, Eva and the Rooster. They almost didn’t show up but did so at the last minute. Weeeeeeeeeee!!!

  • Watching Brandon Schaefer move all-in and take down a big pot early on in a WSOP event.
  • Meeting Brent Stacks and Cincy Sean from Lord Admiral.

  • Playing at a blogger cash game table with Maudie, Pauly, Joe Speaker, Hoyazo, Change100, Joaquin, and Zeem.
  • Cracking Change100's A-A with my 2-2. I flopped a set. Quack Quack!

Cash game

  • Grubby's Diamond card at Caesar’s. We got to cut the long ass line at the taxi stand with it. Sweet!

  • Watching Otis yell PAI GOW in a drunken stupor.
  • Seeing the look on Doyle Brunson’s face when an autograph seeker stopped him for a signature. The guy didn’t have a pen on him. Doyle was gracious but his face said it all. It was the look of “you're a total clown my friend.” Doyle was sitting in his wheel chair and pulled a sharpie out of his pocket. He signed the autograph and took off! You know you’re famous when you have to carry your own sharpie around.

  • Max Pescatori winning a bracelet!

The Mark is a lucky mofo

  • Watching Johnny Chan approach me, Al and Change100 at the Rio after he thought I was sticking my hand out for a fist pump. When I pulled my hand back, he walked away. I was actually telling Al and Change a story when I stuck out my fist. I didn’t leave Johnny hanging entirely, I said . . . “What’s up Johnny!” He smiled back and kept walking.
  • Hanging out with all the bloggers and getting wasted!


I had a great time during this trip. I’m glad I didn’t play too much poker. I had more fun drinking at the bar and talking to every blogger who stopped by (which was everyone at every casino we went to!).

I also enjoyed playing the –EV table games with everyone. That was more fun than trying to gamble alone and win money. I could do that anytime. This trip was for the friendships and good times.

Thanks to everyone for being so great. I especially enjoyed meeting Iggy’s buddy G Money for the first time. He was as cool as shit just like Iggy said. Grubbette was a trip too. She rules!

Congrats to F Train for winning Saturday's blogger tournament. I’ve played against him in live cash games many times and he’s pretty tough to beat. He's the only one at the Blue Parrot besides my brother that will re-raise me! I’m so glad he won. Congrats F Train!

Many thanks to April for her great work in setting this trip up. Thanks April!

By the way, the Excalibur’s poker room sucks ass now. I’m pretty bummed by that. It was the first casino that I ever played live poker. Their room has slipped big time. What a shame!

Don’t forget to check out Flipchip’s WPBT Photo Gallery.

Until next time!


At 7/12/2006 1:44 AM, Blogger jremotigue said...

Good times, man. Good times.

At 7/12/2006 3:22 AM, Blogger April said...

Was great seeing you man, and a lot of fun. Glad you made it out.

At 7/12/2006 9:51 AM, Blogger F-Train said...

Funny, funny post. As always, great to see you. Get on that LA thing!

At 7/12/2006 3:37 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

I promise to be there next time, great write up D.

At 7/12/2006 4:42 PM, Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

I look forward to next time.

At 7/12/2006 5:07 PM, Blogger BadBlood said...

Best trip report so far!

Sorry I missed ya dude....See you at the boathouse 4 sure.

At 7/12/2006 6:13 PM, Blogger The Bracelet said...

Great write-up Derek.

This may be your best post in recent history.

At 7/13/2006 7:43 AM, Blogger Daddy said...

Viva la CHOW!!

Love what you're doing over here.

At 7/13/2006 10:43 AM, Blogger StB said...

This is the only trip report I am going to read. Classic stuff.

At 7/13/2006 12:24 PM, Blogger El Diablo Blanco said...

classic....the feel good post of the week. Made me laugh made me cry. Two junks up.


At 7/13/2006 4:13 PM, Blogger BigPirate said...

You have moved to the very top of people I hate. How dare you have such a great time while I was stuck in South Carolina where our entire congressional delegation thinks it's just awful I play online poker.

Nice writeup. Wish I had been there.

At 7/13/2006 10:57 PM, Blogger Garthmeister J. said...

Mate, I had an absolute blast, and it was great to hang out. I need to remember to be with you next time I am at the Rio to maximise my Liz Lieu opportunities.

At 7/13/2006 11:33 PM, Blogger GMoney said...

Great write-up of a great time!!
It was so cool hanging with you, can't wait to do it again!!

Big up to the picture of Chaka!!

Remember the episode of Land of the Lost when Chaka's parents gave him the lecture on the dangers of drugs?

Parent: So what have you learned from our little talk about your recent adventures?

Chaka: Chaka no like crystal meth!!


At 7/14/2006 12:14 AM, Blogger Yoyo (Poker Poison) said...

I couldn't stop laughing...I really must start reading blogs..lol

Thanks for letting me feel your fine fanny!


At 7/14/2006 3:18 AM, Blogger trumpjosh said...

Derek -

Always a pleasure, my man. Hopefully, next time we'll get more of a chance to hang!

- Josh


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