Keystone Cops

DISCLAIMER: There is no poker content in this post. Carry on . . . .


Ugghhh. Not to be confused with Aaarrrrrrrggh. I am such a fucking retard. Last week I almost broke my arm. I have a cast on and my left arm is in a sling. I've been trying to blog on Card Squad using the one hand and one finger method. The only good news is that I have painkillers to enjoy!

Only a few people know the story. My doctor told me that I need to work on "my story" since the truth of how I got hurt is pretty lame. It's so lame that Boy Genius game me a cyber chuckle on IM when I told him what happened.

I told Daddy about my mishap. He immediately wanted to know if I went a little too overboard practicing for the 2006 Speed Wanking Tournament. Boy was he disappointed!

Unfortunately, my dumb ass fell down. To make matters worse, I wasn't even drunk! I was totally sober (well kind of . . hehe). I was walking down the street in the Bronx when I did my best Keystone cops impression.


I had just bought a donut (hmmmmmmm donuts) and starting walking back to my apartment. While walking away from the donut store, I was also folding up a newspaper to put in my book bag. I quickly realized that I can not chew gum and walk at the same time. I was less than 10 feet out the store when I fell into a cellar trap door in the sidewalk. D'oh!

The crazy thing is that the cellar door was closed when I started to step toward it. Unfortunately, someone decided to open the trap door at the exact moment I stepped forward. My fat ass fell and I fucked up my elbow really bad.

When I got home, my arm really started to hurt. It swelled up pretty fast and I had no mobility. I spent most of the day in the emergency room being laughed at by everyone. Gunshot wounds and "real injuries" were being treated over an idiot that breaks his elbow falling down!

The strangest thing that happened that day was not me falling down a trap door but something that occurred at the hospital. After waiting several hours, I was finally called in to be treated. As I walked towards the attending nurse, a policeman was standing near the entrance. On his radio I heard the following message . . . "All untis, please respond. We have a woman fleeing the hospital with a baby that's not hers!"


Wow! Holy Shit! This is unbelievable! This is too funny! Those were the thoughts that immediately ran through my mind. Then the cop looked over at the person he was talking to and goes, "Not again!"